angry...

i don't know what the FREAK am i doing....
even after submitting (LATE) the damn freaky assignment, i am staying up. for what? video.
do i like it in the first place? NO. so why the HELL am i up at 3 am in the freaky MORNING doing it?
............
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i really have no idea. 








i think i'm so very close to losing it. but hey, can't it be so easy to lose it?



why am i complaining? when i have an education, food, clothes and things i could i ever want? so ungrateful, selfish, whiney. urgh. 
i HATE myself. 120% doesn't cover it. maybe 200%
 so scared my body will break down..like my liver, or kidney, or my eyes.  but what can i do? don't do my work? i wish i had the strength to cry, but i don't...but i don't want to at the same time. it means i'm weak, and i don't want to be weak. 

its not an option. its a requirement. to be strong.